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eternally drunk today i talked 5 words with the secretary at the country club in which i swim, 6 words with my father, 8 words with a semi-friend on the phone, and about 7 more words with a women who called my home. if i add all those up it amounts to roughly about 26 words. in a whole day. wow how can i stand talking so much its incredible. ofcourse about 1,000,000 other words came out my mouth, but they were all monologues with myself. that doesnt count, does it? most of the day i felt an extreme lack of motivation : i didnt feel like getting up even though i slept 9 hours, i didnt feel like eating even though i havent eaten all day. i had to stuff myself one spaghetti thingie after another, just because im afraid i'll die of below zero fat percentage. right now i have about 2 %fat in my body. wee hoo. and im trying to eat a lot i really am...... oh well. thats the least of my problems. sigh. i read a diary today of a guy named lonelygayboy. had his 18'th birthday today. and a virgin like me. lonely. i dont know if i'm gay or not, but god i wanna hug and kiss him so bad. i dont care about the sex. i'm just so lonely. and there are so many lonely intelligent funny desirable people who have diaries here. why is it when i go outside all i see is dumb robots? and why do i have to make conversation with them about the weather? and why am i afraid of them so much? WHY? quote of the day : "i wanna be eternally drunk, get alchohol injected into my veins on an hourly basis, and not give a FUCK." i wrote that in one of my school notebooks a long while ago. sigh. i think it expresses how i felt then and still do in a good way. dont you think? :( |