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"all in all you're normal" . right. sure.
2001-06-03 1:16 a.m.

today they publicized the names of the people who died at the bomb explosion.

all russian immigrant teenagers, and i dont have any russian acquaintances besides my piano teacher, so i know none of them. phew. thats a relief..... GOD is SO kind, isnt he? (cynicism...as if you hadn't noticed... )

all day there were interviews on TV with the parents of the dead kids. one is trying to keep his calm infront of the camera, and the other just bursting into tears, screaming and shouting out of pain.

heart breaking.

and my life continues in the shadows.....

i went with my parents to a restaurant today, and at one point my father asked me what is the most distorted adult know. well after talking about all the people we know with mental issues, i asked them what do they think about me.

well my father said : "you have some issues, but all in all you're pretty normal". HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA .

just to show you how much they dont know me. but thats very explainable : i dont let them know me. i dont want them to know me.

everytime my sister has a depression attack she starts crying her heart out and screaming. and when i have a depression attack i just say " hi how was your day" and act normal, and just cry my tears away before i go to sleep, when all the house is dark. poor pillow getting wet and all...

i have many reasons for not wanting people to really know me. mainly : .

1) then i'd have to explain to them all my issues, and i dont even know where to start. 2) once they do know me they'll just categorize me into some slot in their head, probably thinking : "oh he's just going through a teenage angst phase, he'll get over it ". well fuck you with your shallow observations. sorry but things arent all that simple. i'd rather you have the wrong impression, so i could laugh at you with your stupid presumptions.

so thus almost everyone misunderstands me. WEEPEE. only you readers out there really know my reality... luv you all whoever you may be. if at all you exist.

someone signed my guestbook yesterday... i like when my guestbook gets signed. it makes me feel like someone cares. hint, hint.... :)

sigh.

quote of the day : "all in all you're normal " . father to me. makes me internally laugh each time i think of that.


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