no regrets
2001-06-12 3:55 a.m.

im here. im sick and im and dull and im am plain. nothing interesting to tell. yesterday went to a pub with my friends, including dor and shira who were mentioned in earlier entries i believe. nothing intresting to tell. today i went to the car wash, and played basketball. nothing intresting to tell. tommarow i have an interview with the army. hope it goes well. i guess it is more important than all the silly mathematics test. it will have more effect on my life.

well returning to my entry 2 days ago. i finished it off half regretting i wrote it. saying i dont know.

well i do know why i half regretted writing it : cause the dan a year ago would have written it, the dan which dreams about becoming somebody else, not the dan i am today, self accepting. then i was soooooo different. last year's dan wouldnt have recognized me if we met walking down the street.

and the last thing i ever want to feel is that i have been walking in circles all this time, only to find myself after a year which was full of pain in point 1.

i really believe that in order to grow one must suffer, or at least i do. I dont want to feel it was all pointless.

and it wasnt. i am pretty satisfied with WHO i am. i like myself, i like my dramtic feelings, i like being weird, i like going to secluded places hearing my music, i like talking to myself walking down the street, i like writing this freaking diary. i dont strive to be "normal" anymore.

but that doesnt mean im happy with how i act with people in real life. and i have to work on that. and not give a fuck about people anywayz.

so my real resolution is not changing myself, but still taking more chances, overcoming some of my fears by doing things i WANNA do, but usually didnt. got that? maybe.

quote of the day "i dont regret the things i have done, but the things i didnt do".

i read that in someone's diary today. do i agree with it? well not really at my current frame of mind. i dont feel like regretting the things i havent done as well as the things i've done. i dont feel like regretting at all.

cause regret, means you would do it differently once you had the chance. and i know the things i did or didnt do that i "regret" are things i would probably do the same again. i did try my best. cause if i regret the past, i'll regret the present in the future. and im trying as hard as i can, so it wont be fair to my current self to be "regretted" by the future self.

ummm did anyone besides my self get that?