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tatoos- marijuana tattoo. marijuana. thats the 2 things i have to decide about. i've been playing with the idea of making a tattoo, for the last couple of days. im really considering it seriously. not a big one, a medium small one, somewhere on the upper side of my body. like on the sholdour or something. now i know it will surprise everyone i know if i do, but who cares. and they dont know me anyway. plusses : - it can look really nice. - it can make me feel good about myself. - some other people might think it is cool. ( well i know its hypocritic to say one second "fuck everybody" and the next second think how i'd want people to think i'm cool. sue me. ) minusses : - it might not look that good. and that would be sooooo annoying. - i might regret having it in the future, no matter how good it looks. it stays for all your life. thats a commitment. i think thats about it. i should make the right decision, nothing rash. probably go look at catalogs, go home, think about it, go look at catalogs again, think about it again. and then decide. nothing will be decided tonight. second issue, background : ofer is a friend. he's kinda of close i guess. he likes me alot i can tell. i like talking to him usually, and we do connect on some level. although he is soooo different from me, he sort of understands me. his life view annoys me : he wants money, he wants sex, he wants good grades, he wants to win always in everything, he wants to be successful. those are his goals in life. yuck. but i like him none the less. and he's not this big party guy. he's not a nerd, but surely not this big party easy-going guy. so imagine how surprised i was when he offered me today to get us some marijuana. hashish. apparently he smokes it, i dont believe on a regular basis, but it seems he did more than once. he wasnt too willing to elaborate on when he smoked, and how often he smokes it. i said no. but its so easy to say yes. if i say yes, probably the week after he'll get us some. so easy. but im inclined towards no. plusses : -cant say im not intruiged at all. -can make me feel good about myself. -can be fun i guess. -i'll probably take it some time or another in my life. its not drugs. just marijuana right? minusses : - if i do it wont i be doing it just to because of society? cause there really is no other reason to do it, except for saying to yourself - "hey i do drugs, hey i must be cool". and as i said fuck people. i dunno i dunno i dunno. but its not really drugs is it? - im really really afraid of myself. im not afraid of the act of taking the marijuana - that just shit. i know how it'll be. it'll be like being really drunk. its not like i havent had natural - alchoholic highs before. it'll be nothing that special, just probably fun. BUT what i'm afraid of is myself. my ENOURMOUS tendency to get addicted to everything. i mean everything. if its just to writing a diary entry every day, or playing any stupid silly computer game, or reading a book, or watching tv. i get SOOO addicted. and so long as it's addictions which dont hurt anything then ok fine i can deal with it. but being addicted to marijuana, and maybe drugs, is not fine. its really really bad. i could really really fall there. thats why i dont want to even touch cigarettes. cause i know if i do start smoking it'll at first be one cigarette a week, then one a day, then easily it'll become a pack a day. everytime i get nervous, instead of moving my leg up and down, or putting my hand through my hair, i'll just take a cigarette. and believe me i get nervous a lot. and it wouldn't help me a bit. im so the type that will have to go to re-hab during my life. and even if my strong self control will overcome the addiction, i'll still have to fight this urge. and i have enough internal fighting as it is thank you very much. but if i'll try it anyway at somepoint in my life why not now? i dunno i dunno i dunno. well in the meantime it is NO. NO. dont be foolish. but what about that tattoo.....hmmmmm. quote of the day : "make it magnificent tonight......your hair is beautiful tonight. tonight.... tonight.... tonight.... tonight..... ATOMIC..uhoo ATMOIC..wwohooh...ATOMIC." im infront of my computer screen tonight. |