<<<<

new
past
rings
notes
e-mail
profile
guests
designs
diaryland

>>>>

gatsby obssession day
2001-06-20 1:55 a.m.

every 10 minutes today i was running to my computer to check if he was online. gatsby. the one who offered me what he offered me. might be defined as an "indecent proposal".

and i sooo want this. and i keep thinking about it every single second of the day. i just try to find distractions. talking to my friends and thinking about what'll happen with gatsby. watching e.r. thinking what'll happen with gatsby. writing this entry thinking what'll happen with gatsby. solving yet another math problem thinking what'll happen with gatsby.

our whole interaction today was me saying "lets do it", and him answering "lets do it.". okay okay okay okay okay okay. so far so good. plan not screwed up yet. plan WONT screw up, right?

i need to study for my math exam on thursday. but god i cant. i just cant. i'll probably get an okay grade even if i dont study at all, so nothing disasterous can happen. but hey this is the most important test in my life, and i might as well try to focus one more day to get a really good grade. you might not give a fuck about it now, but it might be important in the future..........

so tommarow try not being obssessive bout gatsby and study. okay? okay! just one more day, then test, then no more high-school.

wont it be ironic if i got together with gatsby the day high-school ended? talk about symbolism. but hey any other day will be fine too. just make it be like im fantasizing it'll be. just make it be.

if i EVER will be in a relationship, i'll probably be a living hell for my partner. i AM SO DEMANDING. gatsby didnt connect almost all day, and already thoughts like " why isnt he connecting? doesnt he want this as much as i do?" run through my mind. poor him..... i get mad at him and he has no clue. and already im writing on the windshields of wet cars at night "gatsby my love". cool down will ya? you havent even heard his voice once for crying out loud......... getting such high hopes will almost always lead to big disappointements......

notice i said "almost". not always.

quote of the day "this COULD be underwater love."

i know it should be MUST instead of COULD.

and thanks lolita :)


powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

Site Meter guestmap diary critic