wont let myself relapse.
2001-07-05 6:19 a.m.

hmmmmmmmmmm

got my car towed today! damnit i parked in a place reserved for handicaps.... i have no morals at all huh. well i thought i was just going to be there for 5 minutes or so, and that they wouldnt tow my just because i dont have a handicap sticker. well... turns out they did. bastards!

so 250 shekels towing fee, plus 170 shekels parking ticket. which amounts to 420 shekels, roughly a 100$. oh well. i learned my lesson.

im just happy my parents are rich. but i do have guilt feelings for not caring that much about losing a 100 bucks. i should care ALOT.... its a lot of money! i dont want to be spoiled....

so i went to the towing place to take out my car - the SADDEST place ever! cars being brought there like they're feelingless objects which can be picked up and dropped! well maybe they are but my car is my BABY! its not an object damnit! it has my mess, and my winnie the pooh stickers, and my cookie monster stickers, and my favorite soccer's team sticker, and my lovely music tapes. its not JUST a car! dont touch it please, FUCKERS.

and i had my final highschool ceremony. LAME. but it was okay. it had to be done and gotten over with. so no more stupid people from school anymore.

and they should have given me an excellence thingie for my grades, only it turns out i got 55 (!!!) in p.e.... and im good in sports!! i did our final p.e. exam real good, one of the best 20 from all the classes. and i dont care about the grade, but my grandsons will see it and think " oh our grandpa was such a fat ass in highschool ". damnit why do i deserve 55?? and i cant go now after school is over and tell them to make my grade higher like i desereve. thats just too geeky.......... okay fuck it.

but whats more annoying that in our yearbook, everyone had to decide what one sentence/phrase he wants to put in his place in the yearbook. and i said write "hysterical and uselss" about me and they wrote "histerical and useless". DAMNIT that ruins everything.... shit.

and then i went to play some pool with nir ehud lior dor and noa. and i was pretty satisfied with myself until at some point i relapsed and returened to strugglning and inconfidences. probably because of dor. i know i said there'll be struggles, but i hoped not so soon. oh well that doesnt matter, stick to plan. be strong and remember your way. dont be weak. nothing ever comes easy anyway.

quote of the day : " relapse - a change back into bad health, behaiviour etc."

but no no i wont let myself.