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strong i feel mentally strong. and satisfied. and even ...... happy. and for no REAL reason. at least no reason a normal human being could understand. its just im at peace with myself right now. and i dont have for a difference something that stresses me and out and im afraid of. its not boredom... its peace. ....................................... yesterday's highschool ceremenoy. they're reading the names of the graduates, and each one goes to stage and gets his "diploma". so they say a name of some girl, who in 4 years of highschool ive never even heard of. her name was something like "tamar lifshitz", but i dont remember. so as she goes upstage i yell "GO TAMAR LIFSHITZ" with all my lungs. it was funny. as hell. and then one of tamar lifhitz's stupid zero intelligent friends sitting in the row infront of me turns around and says "shuttup you idiot" with her zero intelligence voice. i say "who asked you anyway?". and then i think " WOW does she really think that after 4 years in which we didnt exchange one word im actually gonna give a fuck about her and her zero intelligence fake blond hair?" hehehe i'll sure miss her and all the other full-of-shit-jackasses from highschool. ......................................... the only real event today was me going to some wedding of a friend of my sisters. BORING. it sooo reminded me of "the great gatsby"....... a bunch of high class hypocrite people getting together, drinking alchohol, coming to see a couple which probably wont last 4 month. (soory shirly...). and ofcourse everyone's using the good old dan for conversation topics. I should sooo get a machine that answers instead of me silly boring questions like " so when are you going to the army", and "you finished highschool, right?", and "since when are you not a short small 4 year old?". JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. and the most digusting thing about it all is my mother. the minute there's people around she puts her ugly hypocrite face, and smiles dumbly all the time. ITS SO DISGUSTING. yuck. how can she live with herself? i pitty her. ........................................ and tommarow night im going to greece. weeeeeeeeee it'll be fun. but im really really sad for dor : he got really screwed cause his best friend dumped him and went to spain without him, and he's really depressed about it. and there's nothing i can say that can cheer him up. or at least i dont know what to say. and now we're leaving too, and he'll be here without any of his real friends. i'll miss him. ........................................ quote of the day (to self)"i began to lose control.... i didnt mean to hurt you..... im sorry that i made you cry.... i didnt mean to hurt you!... im (was) just a jealous guy... i was feeling insecure......... i was shivering inside..... i was shivering inside........ i didnt mean to hurt you........im sorry that i made you cry....... i didnt want to hurt you... im (was) just a jealous guy." i should never stop apoligizing to myself for getting myself to the state i was in a few days ago. NEVER. okay apology accepted. just dont do it again... (fighting the urge to say "but i know you will") i realize that to 99% of my 2-4 readers have no idea what the fuck that was all about. WELL THATS YOUR PROBLEM, isnt it? (no no im sorry, dont stop reading my diary!!!! i love you guys/gals!!!) |