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like a coca cola bottle. or not. :)
2001-07-17 2:35 a.m.

shes about the size of a large coca cola bottle. maybe even less. the only difference between her and a large coca bottle is the small adorable little face. mostly eyes closed, like a little kitten. short small hair. tiny nostrils which you can see move as she breathes. teeny weeny ears. and she makes noises. this soft high pitched headache-causing noises. i think it's called crying. and she has fingers smaller and thinner than .......... than something really small. about a third of a size of a toothpick maybe. and they actually move. and she'll grow up to be a person. a person. a living thinking person. a giant world of thoughts and mental landscapes bottled in one mind. like me. like you. she'll probably be a very very sweet and deep and maybe even troubled person judging by her parents. she probably even has some of my genes too, right? li la li la li la.

well maybe she's not really all that alike a coca cola bottle. :)

.........................................

so all the family goes to see tali (sister) and the baby in the hospital. me mother father uncle cousin grandfather grandmother and 2 of my sister's friends. and i see the baby. and im like smiling. thinking about the wonders of life. and they're all acting like "business as usual". yeah ofcourse saying how adorbale she is, but then talking about bullshit and asking how was greece and making jokes as usual. whats the matter with you? am i the only one who is in awe at the whole thing?

i dont feel like talking and thinking of things to say in these situations. words are rarely sufficient. i dont feel like saying what i'll do in the army in these situations. i dont feel like telling how we drove around greece with our car. i dont even want to talk about katrin. cause its all silly compared. talking is silly compared.

and if i was my sister i would be in this state of bliss, or at least really cut off from the real world. i would maybe try talking to people, but i wouldnt really care what they say, i'd just sit there and hold the baby trying not to think too much.

at times like this i feel im different. cause how people act just doesnt make sense to me sometimes. and if to me everybody else acts abnormal, than im probably the one's who's different right? im not saying different in a bad way or in a good way. just different. or maybe just very naive. or maybe not.

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my parents. i cant stand being around them. they make me feel sucky. unintentionally. im sure its a froidanic thing. something in the subconcious. cause when im without them i can be full of confidence, showing the world who i am. but when im with them im drowning with struggles, i start muttering, i lose.

my mom's taking a break from work for 6 month cause of the baby and all. 6 whole fucking month she'll be at home all the time. FUCK. i dont need that. i really dont. nothing i can do about it though.

i told nir on the plane : i miss my cereal more than my parents.

solution to this mess : getting over this subconcious diffulcities. easy to say impossible to commit. no, ALMOST impossible is what i should write. but i'll manage. someday i'll move out anyway right? i cant wait. its not that bad anyway.

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returned from basketball now. 2 on 2 and we actually won. i won. we should have lost. but i killed myself physically, and tried my hardest, and i won the game with a beautiful 3 pointer. wowee. the little joys of life huh..............

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read yesterdays entry if you havent already. i keep reading it. im proud of it after putting so much work into it. i cant wait to read it in 20 years.

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quote of the day (what i wrote in my icq info) :

" for rationalists life is a comedy, while for emotionalists life is a tragedy " - katrin. its more like a melodrama or a soap opera than a tragedy. mostly downs which are worth the highs. :)

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