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"THE GIFT" once upon a time, not too long ago, a young director named , lets say, johnny doe, finished film school. there he learned all the tricks on how to make successful movies. he passed all the tests with straight A's. and suprise surprise, the minute he finished film school, he got an offer from a big studio to make a movie. they even offered him a fairly good budget to hire fairly good actors. so our delighted johnny thought " im gonna make it big ". first of all johnny needed a name for the movie. movies named " The *noun* " are always successful. thus our johnny named his movie " The Gift " , cause gift is a lovely word, and it sounds like an important movie which everybody will see. next johnny needed a plot. " i need a plot! ". johnny learned in film school that movies about people which have psychic abilities are very trendy ( " the sixth sense " , " The cell " , "phenomena " , and so on and so on ). so our johnny thought : " i'll make a movie about a women that reads the future in cards. she'll even have mental images which will ROCK visually " . but then johnny frowned with confusion : " thats not a plot! i need a real plot - with a start, body and end ..... okay okay okay think johnny! what kinda plot will work? I KNOW!!!! SOMEONE WILL GET KILLED, AND OUR PSYCHIC WOMEN WILL HELP FIND THE MURDERER!! " johnny couldnt have been happier. HE THOUGHT OF A PLOT. and by himself !!! he was sooo delighted! things were flowing, the movie was being made! what kinda of women will the psychic be ? a good righteous women who lost her husband in an explosion and needs to take care of her three cute kids. she will be an example of the old modest christian! " im making such a good movie! ". what kinda of an ending will it have ? a happy one ofcourse. but with a twist so people will think " wow this is a deep movie". and johnny was thinking " wow im making such a good movie!! " . how will the movie keep its suspense ? it will have scary violins in the background, which get louder everytime our psychic walks alone in her house at night, until something surprising happens during which the violens will reach a loud orgasm. " that will scare the audience, like i learned in film school!!! wow im making such a good movie!!! " and our johnny even showed pearls of pure genius : " i'll even have more than one person which might have commited the murder, so the audience will start guessing who really did it. oh im making such a good movie!!!!! i am going to be rich!!!!!!" ........................................ DONT SEE " THE GIFT " !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ........................................ quote of the day " DAMNIT how do i get out of this stupid movie!! i got the most stupid part EVER! why did i get greedy and sign that FUCKING stupid contract. this STUPID movie sucks!" imaginary dialog between the actor kate blanchet and her husband. |