i love dogs
2001-08-06 5:36 a.m.

what happened?

after returning from greece, i felt so confident, i was telling myself : "from now on i wont give a fuck about my fears from hitting on girls, my thing with cathrin proved to me that it doesn't matter at all what you say at first, cause if it works out no-one remembers anyway. it doesnt matter if what you say is totally lame, what matters is to make the contact. there's so much you can win."

so how come when i went today to play pool, and three REALLY cute girls were playing next to our (nir,ofer,me) table, i didnt do anything? and how come im still afraid to ask that GREAT icq "puna" girl her phone number, even after she said "and you might call me sometime". how come? even when i am more or less self confident in my personality, in my looks, etc......

im still afraid of people so much. of intimacy. im still fucked up with acting with people. maybe less than i used to, maybe ALOT less, but still.

and im so fucking tired from working on myself. im so fucking tired of being soo moody and frustrated because of social battles, which decide if my day was good or not, only because i was comfortable with this and that person, and uncomfortable with the other. im so fucking tired of it.

i've been reading boy-ashamed entries. i love that boy. im almost half through his 250 entries.

and a repeating motive in them, is his fantasies about finding a confused/depressed/lonely boy, and out of the mutual loneliness build something magical.

im soooooo what he was looking for in his fantasies.

i wish someone else could have done the dirty job for me. i wish someone else hit on me, someone like boy-ashamed, or puna asking me MY phone number, or just anybody hitting on me walking down the street. nothing ever come's easy.

i wish.

......................................

and hey still im pretty happy now.

just an hour ago i was sitting above the lame excuse for a town square we have here in givataim. hearing the rocker queen pj harvey.

so i was sitting there at 5 a.m.

and then i saw this man approach with his 2 giant dogs. i was half dancing while sitting, drinking my beer, and had no intentions on having any contact with any human being what-so-ever. so i just closed my eyes, hoping he'll go away as soon as possible. after almost a whole song, i figured it'd be enough time for the dog man to pass me by. so i opened my eyes.

and there, half a meter infront of me, at my height cause i was sitting, looking straight into my eyes, was this HUMANGOUS dog, the pretties dog i've ever seen. looking straight into my eyes.

that dog owner was urging the dog to come to him. i wonder what he thought about that strange boy swaying weirdly on top of the town square at 5 a.m. in the morning with his headphones on.

anyway the dog made me happy.

i love dogs. ( no offence, my lovely cat, yulia...)

quote(s) of the days :

"dog :a common domestic animal of which there are many breeds."

"lead a dog's life : to be troubled, unhappy, all the time"

"let sleeping dogs lie : to avoid or stop doing something that causes trouble"

"dog-eared : having the corners of the pages turned down with use"

"to be in dog-house : to be in disgrace"

"go to the dogs : to be ruined because of one's own foolishness"