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incoherent blabbing about revenge and other such insignificant shit so. the computer motherboard just burned out 4 days ago. no vital signs what-so-ever. thus there were no entries what-so-ever for what seems like forever. but now all is well. and i didnt go into some kind of denial craze as a result of no screen time. which is good. but i did feel something important was missing. THIS. ................................................... yesterday late at night. no phone calls from friends asking me if i want to go out. bored. so i put on my best pants, put on my best shirt, a little touch to the hair, and got into my car. drove to the city, pretending like i am going to p-a-r-t-y tonight. just pretending. after a while i got lost, and it was hot in my car, and i was sweating in my hot shirt, and i decided that its not THAT fun. but maybe better than staying at home. and then i got to my neighberhood, and parked my car. passing me by were very very tiny multiple 14-15 year olds. dumb, stupid, wanna be macho 14-15 year olds. and there was a good song on the radio. so i stayed in my car, singing to myself, while the bunch of kids passed by my car. i didnt think they'd bother me, but then again it was stupid staying in the car singing eccentricly, provoking them. and then one of the boys, opened my door, and said something which i dont even remeber. ASSHOLE. DONT FUCKING TOUCH MY CAR DOOR. i would have kicked his brains out, cept the thing is you cant mess with this little 15 year old street boys, cause they have 20 year old criminal brothers, which will beat you up if you do. so i just looked at him. and then another one of his friends sat on my engine trunk. and that was it. they pushed me to the limit. i turned on my engine, the little boy on my trunk jumped terrified off, and i drove through that narrow street, filled with such little pests walking on the road. they just jumped to the sidewalk, one by one, fear in their eyes. like ants. i was smiling like a mad man. you should have heard their yells. hahahahaha. not that i would really want to hit any of them, i knew they'd move away before i got to them. i just needed to give them a little scare. you see all my life i've been kinda of picked on by these kind of people. i think i radiate this kind of helplessness, which some people see and take advantage of. that was my little revenge. .................................................. besides from that? everything's okay. started taking guitar lessons. got an important letter from the army telling me i pretty much got into the intelligence unit i wanted to go to, so maybe i wont need to be a combat soldier after all. it will be hell in every possible way if i become a combat soldier. so please let me get into this unit. and right now its 7 a.m. and i havent slept, and im not going to sleep since i need to go to the psycometric course in an hour. im doing this big psychometric exam on 23'rd of september, and this course is supposed to prepare me to get the BEST score. fine..... actually it will be kinda of fun i think, seeing people from my (past) highschool, testing my intelligence skills, and giving me something to occupy myself. i feel dumb. and im very very tired, so i APOLOGIZE for being probably incoherent in my entry, not to speak about the grammar. dont blame me, blame the human body for demanding the stupid thing called sleep. oh and did i mention i kinda of feel dumb these last days? im not sure if that's good or bad. AND israel is not doing very good moves. i dont think ariel sharon is a good chess player. and that worries me a bit. since i dont want to die in some war/bombing/whatever, and i dont want any of my soldier friends to die. its not i dont WANT them to die, i CANT have them die. I CANT. I CANT. I WONT. so this is a little prayer. amen. ( and injuries also included in prayer, not only deathes ) .................................................. quote of the day : "im alive. im dead. im a stranger - killing an arab." |