im looking for fastlove
2001-09-06 3:20 a.m.

sometimes i try to take things out of their context. i try to take all the meaning away, and look at stuff as the real sum of the meaningless things they're made of.

for example : i say the word a-ba. (father in hebrew). at first when i say it, my brain immediately goes to some reference, and immediately loads the sound of a-ba with excess information. the word is more than the two syllables it's made of.

i say it again. i try to concentrate on the sound coming out of my mouth, instead of letting all the other known information about the two syllables flow through my head.

and i say it again and again, until all i hear is a-ba, and it sounds as foreign to me as "ching chow" would sound, even if it means "crazy monkey" in chinese. it's really very hard to do and usually i dont totally succeed.

(does this make any sense to anyone?)

but this isn't reserved only for language expirements. today i was driving my car, when i tried to look at everything in that way. to look around, and see things as they really are, without all the previous knowledge, exactly the way an alien would see them.

cause an alien would look at the person standing on the sidewalk and he wouldn't see what i see. he would see a strange looking object. i see a person. and when i see a building, an alien sees a lump of cement, and the windows aren't windows, they're gray squares, which for the alien aren't less alive than the strange looking object on the sidewalk.

its really pretty hard to explain.

reasons for doing this : 1) it's a challenge, which i can let my brain play with when bored. 2) i think it's a good exercise for my creativity. nothing should be taken for granted, not anything we as human beings percieve.

you should try it sometime.

right now im trying to take all the meaning away from my room. it is im-pos-si-ble.

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i wish i had a fuck buddy. somebody i could call at times like this, somebody who i'm not emotionally involved with, someone who wants the same things i do. who i would meet and we would give each other dirty looks , and make out, and just fuck all night long.

i think i prefer it to be a boy. just cause it would be less meaningful. or easy.

and yeah sure a relationship would be even better, but that seems just too far-fetched, y'know............ actually everything seems too far-fetched for me in my current state.

yeah i could theoritically go to gay.il and find some 20+ horny man to meet with me tonight, it would be real easy, but nahhhhhhh.....that would suck. i don't need my first sex to be THAT meaningful, but being with an older guy who only wants to probe my ass is .... a bit too yucky, if you know what i mean........blachs.

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quote of the day :

"Looking for some education-Made my way into the night-All that bullshit conversation-Baby can't you read the signs ? I won't bore you with the details baby-I don't even want to waste your time-Let's just say that maybe you could help to ease my mind-Baby, I ain't Mr. Right

But if you're looking for fastlove-If that's love in your eyes-It's more than enough-Had some bad luck-So fastlove is all that I've got on my mind

What's there to thinks about baby ?

Looking for some affirmation-Made my way into the sun-My friends got their ladies-They all have babies-But I just want to have some fun

I won't bore you with the detail baby-Gotta get there on your own sweet time-Let's just say that maybe you could help to ease my mind-Baby, I ain't Mr. Right"

yeah something like that would do.