i still want to die.
2001-09-07 2:36 a.m.

me : "you're not being fair. everything is wrong. i have a splitting headache, i want to throw up, i feel like shit in every possible way. i had a shitty day, i kept losing stuff, i kept getting angry. i HATE not finding stuff. i HATE HATE HATE HATE it. i dont like my life these days. these days suck. i dont like myself these past days. these days suck. i wanna die. i'll probably throw up before that though".

god : " WHERE DO YOU GET THE NERVE?????!?!? there are so many people i fucked up it this world. there are people who have cancer, aids, terminal diseases, who have NO chance of recovery. people who don't know the meaning of the word hope. and YOU cry like a baby just because you have a headache?

i fucked people so badly, there are people who don't have enough money to buy bread for their children, let alone themselves. people who don't even get the luxury to dream of happiness, cause the only thing they occupy their mind is the emptiness in their stomach. and YOU cry like a little baby just because there's no popcorn in your kitchen full of food? so what if all day you have been waiting to eating the damn popcorn. BIG FUCKING DEAL.

i fucked people so badly, there are people these very minute who have NOTHING in their life, people laying around in streets after they lost everything they got, people who can't stop wasting all their money over dope, kids who have been thrown out of their homes by their parents, people who have had ALL their family die in a car-crash, and YOU complain like a little boy? and YOU want to die?!

i fucked people so badly there are people with zero intelligence, people with no potential at all, retarded 40 year old men who act like they're 4. people with REAL issues, schizophrenic people who need to take medicine just in order to be in a normal mental state, and even that doesn't help. so many people with so many fucking problems, and YOU have the nerve to say you hate your life and yourself?

WHERE DO YOU GET OFF? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"

me : "oh yeah. right. forgot bout that"

...............................................

i still want to die.