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sideffects of neurosis
2001-10-08 5:45 p.m.

so last night my cousin threw the rebel thingie against me. he acted as if he was insulted by something i said, and when i asked him something he pretended he didn't hear, and when i insisted he just mumbled in return, and was being generally rude.

now my question to you is : WHY? i'm not your father for heaven's sake. what could you possibly achive by acting this way?

i guess i understand that he feels a void after not seeing his parents for more than a week, so he had to try and fill it somehow.

i'm not sure if to be frustrated or amused.

anyway i haven't talk to him yet today (me had busy busy busy day) and i'm not sure if he's still on that bit. we'll see.

................................................

bought 2 pairs of pants today, one black one white. need much more long and warm clothes for my trip.

anyway the clothes shop man gave me this look and talked in a way that can be interperted in 2 ways:

1) he was being condescending towards the obviously uptight youngster who was walking to and fro in the store, looking maybe slightly frantic. (cause at many times i am frantic when i'm alone at places in which unknown people look at me and with which i have to interact)

2) he was gay (very probable) and was checking out the cute&bearded man (moi??) in his store.

well let me enjoy the benefit of the doubt.

:)

.................................................

and i'm fucking sick of myself. i fucking yet again almost-lost another thing. EVERYDAY, but i mean EVERYDAY, i end up forgetting something somewhere. there's about a 1 to 3 chance that 5 minutes after leaving my home i'll return back cause i forgot my wallet/key/car-keys/glasses/the devil knows what.

it is SOOO frustrating. SOOOOOOOOO. and when i'm alone it's somehow bearable, but when other people have to waste their time just because i forgot the stupid thingamagie they get mad, and i'm left being accused of stuff, while i'm trying my hardest, really, to be brain-organised.

so today before leaving my house i told myself : "NO, TODAY you're NOT gonna forget anything, you'll be organised".

i forgot my visa at the clothes store.

..................................................

that's what neurosis does to you. or maybe i am amnesiac. naaaaaaaaa.


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