| <<<< |
new |
>>>> |
nevermind? nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind nevermind! .................................................. me to mom (after taking parents back from the airport) : " so how was the food ? " mom : "ask your dad" me : "why can't you answer me?" mom (whispering) : "because i don't want to say anything that is against what your dad thinks" me : "you're crazy" me (after a while) : "how can you expect me to have a decent relationship with you when you can't answer a simple question of mine?" mom : "you're right" well at least there's an understanding. ................................................ a month ago or so my friend ofer told me without any reason "i don't think you're a good son" me : "why?" ofer : "because. because you're too hard. you're too complicated with yourself. you just don't seem like the loving son." me : "my relationship with my parents IS very very bad, mostly because i choose for it to be." ofer : "see?........" me : "i guess you're right" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - this past week i was a very strong human being. and i think that what led me to feeling, and this may be shocking, a small I-want-my-parents-back-home feeling. i missed them a bit. and i saw the stupid rebel stunt my cousin pulled on me. and i started thinking maybe all this is just a stupid rebel stunt. cause actually my parents pretty much love me, and would probably do almost anything to make me happy, and what more do i really need. but they came back. and i could tell my mom wasn't REALLY interested and happy to see me, she was tied up in how to make my father happy and apologize to him, and god knows what a fucked up relationship they have. and i needed to feel the presence of them. of those 2 human beings which happened to have sex 19 years ago, and get married 30 years ago. and i came to a final conclusion : those 2 people are so fucked up. they're both, especially my father, everybit as hard and complicated with themselves as me. they're both a cause of many of my internal problems. they're both as much as me and even more responsible for our fucked up relationship. and i don't blame them. that's just the way things are. anyway the army isn't the best choice, but hey that's also a way of running away from home. ................................................. someday not so far away i'm going to the army. 31'st of march. someday even sooner half of my entries will be about it probably. hmmmmmmmmm i'm still not complaining. but actually my friend shira has been kidnapped by the army a week ago, and all that comes out of her mouth is " DON'T GO TO THE ARMY, IT SUCKS! " . .................................................. i'm having a long icq chat with that adi girl. cute. ................................................. i SHOULD probably comment sometime on the war which is going on. sometime = sometime else. i should probably go to sleep. .................................................. nevermind? |