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eulogy another bombing. the story is all known. it's all written down. somewhere in the books of fate. the story is known. it's just a matter of statistics. just a matter of statistics. cause the story is already written. it goes somethin like this : there will be another bombing. a bus exploding, or a bomb in some multi complex shopping center. and this time. it won't be just anyone. it won't be just some name which doesn't say anything to me like golan turjeman. it won't be just any 18 year old kid. it would be someone else. someone else. someone i know. a son of my parents friends, a former friend from elementary school, the daughter of the cousin of my brother in law, or any acquaintance. and the reaction will be known : i'll be shocked. my heart will skip a beat. and i'll go to the funeral. or maybe not. and i'll see people crying. and i'll see my mom crying. and she'll tell me to be careful. and i'll feel weak and confused for a few days. and life will go on. it can be someone else. it can be someone who was in my class, it can be the cousin of my cousin, it can be some not very close friend but someone which i've seen many many times in the past. ayelet noa huna itamar ilana poli eitam boris gili adi bichman guy steinberg itai steinberg adi harari puna liran egozi yael dar yosi klein dana and the list goes on. and the story is known. i'll go to the funeral. i'll see my mom/friends/relatives cry. i'll be devastated for a while. i won't want to get out of bed probably. i'll probably cry alot. or maybe not. i'll feel very dizzy. for a week or two or three. i'll have to fake utter shock at times even if i don't feel it. i'll silently comfort the people who really loved these people. and after a while, weeks/months, life will go on. with a black stain on it. a name which is spoken once in a while with grief. or someone else. someone else i know. it can be one of my friends or close relatives. one of the people in this world who i love dearly and utterly. WHO I LOVE WHO I NEED. nir lior ehud dor shira ofer omer noa raanan esti nehama shlomo and forgive me if i forgot someone. and this. this will leave me ......... this will leave me ....... like a crushed bug. this will slam me into the floor. this will cause imaginary glass parts invade my brain, ruining every vain inside it. this will destroy my will to live. for a while at least. the story is all known. it's all written down. it's all known. funeral/anger/bitterness/why them/punching the wall/feeling empty/anger/rage/desperation/shock/weakness/frustration/rage/tears/sadness/depression/emptiness/regrets/mental breakdowns. and that time i'll be the one sobbing to the camera's on tv. saying how he/she was a good person. i'll be the next one sobbing. i'll be the next one asking for revenge or saying naively and stupidly "stop the violence". as if i will know then something i didn't know before. it's all known. it's all FUCKING known. and from that i won't heal. ever. EVER. from that the wound in my chest which is my heart will never disappear. or someone else. my sister. my parents. or me. it's all a matter of statistics. it's all a matter of statistics. it's all a matter of statistics. ................................................. and it might be a car accident. cause those are just as and even more common. just maybe a little less tragic from society's perspective. and it can be a bombing or an accident which doesn't cause death. it can just cause the loss of an arm/leg/fingers or any other bodily organ. it can cause things which are worse than death. much worse than death. it's all a matter of statistics. .................................................. and if you asked me : "dan, who do you want the next victim to be? someone named yoav leibovich or shira herlich?". and no matter how great that yoav is, no matter if he's the person who will find the cure for cancer, no matter if he's an only child, no matter if he has all his life ahead of him, i would choose him. no matter what. cause i don't know who he is. and his death won't affect me more than a second's grief. ................................................. and i'll kiss my lucky charm my spider. i'll kiss him. and i'll call dor now to ask if he's okay and i will be blown off lightly with "what's the matter of you ofcourse i'm okay stop bugging me". and i'll kiss my lucky charm. cause what else? WHAT ELSE??!??!?!?!?!?!?! i'm exhausted. |