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important day(?)
2001-12-09 2:23 a.m.

there's a slight feeling of indigestion in my heart, there's a slight feeling of indigestion in my heart. and yes i know that those feelings don't belong in that part of the body.

but there's also a light feeling in my heart there's also a light feeling in my heart and no this is not alchohol.

..................................................

spent the whole evening at dor's place.

scene taking place an hour or so ago.

me on his bed, him walking around the room.

me : "lie down on the bed"

dor : "dan, you really have to go, i need to wake up early tommarow"

me : " i SAID lie down on the bed right here right now "

dor lying down reluctantly on the bed.

silence for a minute.

me : "you know .... .... ...." .

dor : " i know " .

me : " you know what ? "

dor : " i don't know..... "

silence for a minutes.

me : " you know ..... ...... that ....... that...... "

neurotic brushes of hand through hair alongwith another silence.

me : " you know ..... ..... that...... you know that the whole being .......... ummmmmmmm..... maybe proba no maybe ... ummmmmm..... ........ ....... gay is serious ".

dor (instinctively..... but not neccesarily without an ounce of shock) : "yes".

these led to some more bla bla [insert neurotic movement by me] bla bla bla bla [insert neurotic movement by me] bla bla bla bla bla [insert neurotic movement by me] bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla [insert neurotic movement by me] which is really off the main point.

so like there you have it. yep there you have it. after half an hour of talking he begged me to leave, but it took him ages to convince me. cause so much to say and so much to say and so much which is really too weird to say and even though he is the person i fear the least i still fear him cause everybody puts labels and fuck labels but i guess that isn't too bad and i could really ramble incoherently like this for hours.

and more than anything i wish i had a boy to kiss to give basis to my "theory". and i came to a conclusion today while watching the movie amelie (sweet as candy) that all i really want right now is not sex, but just, just to slowly look into a boys eyes with love and very slowly kiss him. cause that's all i really want. cause yeah i'm a sentimental guy. and eventhough horniness is often it is never taken too seriously by me.

but the mere thought of the above makes me happy. cause yes that dream is not unreachable like most are.

fuck it where's the fast forward button already?!?!?!?

i have a date on monday with a girl. does somebody have the nerve to tell me that's not HILARIOUS after what i wrote just before?

............................................

current weight 56.2 kilograms (124 pounds). zero change from last week. (but many many tasty food shoved down my esophagus!!)

..............................................

life eh?

:)


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