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the different kinds of depression
2001-12-18 12:05 a.m.

please let yesterday never repeat. PLEASE. especially not today.

..............................................

the most dangerous feelings and specifically depressions are the ones caused by rational reasoning.

the ones which are caused by irrational reasoning are bad, and very common ( to me ). they are characterized by thoughts such as "what is happening to me?", "life is good yet i want to die", "i want him so bad it hurts", or just plain by-the-second stabs to the heart.

the feelings on those ones are just as intense as anything. but behind it you can hear my mind fighting back saying "things will get better", or "you crazy fuck you are stupid shut the fuck up".

but rational depressions. those ones are caused by dissecting the situation to little pieces, analyzing each one and one, and coming to a dead end. coming to a sincere conclusion that things are bad. and that you don't know how to fix them. and it's not just a matter of time.

and that's when the mind, the common sense, really doesn't have any anti-missle warfare. impotent.

that's dangerous.

...............................................

and that's what scares me the most about what i'm feeling. that it might be of the latter. MIGHT i said. MIGHT.

but that thought is probably caused by an irrational thought itself.

so let's just rule it out and hope for the best.

and try to keep the water from envading my lungs in the process ie to NEVER repeat yesterday or any such nonsense.


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