unbelievably insane.
2001-12-25 12:20 a.m.

where do i get off?? WHERE DO I FUCKING GET OFF????!?!?!?!? what made me think that i have the right to do insane things like that? INSANE!!!

i know where : too many meg rian and tom hanks movies. oh icky romantic theater never seemed to have more effect on my life.

when did i fucking get off being so presumptuous?

hahahahahahhahahah you won't believe it.

this is how it goes : yesterday i was feeling pretty bummed before work cause i had just gotten blown off by yet another guy after sending him my picture ( and i admit that it isn't a good picture but common! )

anyway i was feeling bummed. and then i began my paperboy routine until i reached a 8 story building. so i did my job, and went down the stairs and then met this guy who was also walking down the stairs with his big furry white beautiful dog.

he was cute.

he was geeky.

i told him 'hi' and he said 'hi' and then he started telling me that his friend is also a paperboy and shit. and i was like hey you're friendly.

he was ultra nervous.

he was cute.

and i talked to him for a few seconds and then we said have a nice day to each other. (it was 5 a.m.)

now silly little me i started thinking hey maybe he's gay (not too likely). and i probably won't ever meet him again in my life. and there's nothing in my power that i can do about it.

but then i thought: fuck it. and i wrote him a note : "hi i'm the paperboy and we talked for a few seconds while you were taking out your dog (big white and fabulous). i think you're very cute :-). call me if you want 056-579-259."

where the fuck do i get off?

anyway i put the note on top of all the mailboxes of all the 8 story building and put 2 small rocks there so it won't fall and left it there. and then i went back and put up a different note which says the same thing but doesn't disclose the fact that i'm a guy. cause really an angry homophobic mob isn't what i'm looking for tonight.

where the fuck do i get off??

i knew it's crazy. cause y'know everyone of the 40 people from the building will read that note. also the boy's father. oh my god what have i done. silly little me. insane mad big me.

and maybe my boss will pass by that building or will get a complaint from one of the residents. and then he'll know i'm gay. and without or with connection to that fact he'll probably fire me if not at least put me in a very embarassing situation don't you think? hahahahahaha.

and i must say it's all very hilarious. and i don't regret it even one bit. cause hell it's soooo funny. and risky. oh my god. it made my depression go away as fast as a hungry cheeta.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. i'm just harmlessly toying with you, life.

not that he called.