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100 grams of serious issues. DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! try to control what you think. OR AT LEAST WHAT YOU SAY!!!!! i'm serious dude. ................................................. two things are weighing heavily upon my shoulders. THIS IS NO JOKE. the first thing. yesterday as i was trying to fall asleep i began to think as one tends to do at that time. and i thought. and i thought about this diary. and i played with the silly idea of showing it in 70 years to my grand children. i just played with the idea of them knowing me completely when i was 18, and with me knowing everything about MY grandfather. but then i thought. grandchildren? that means i need children. of my own. i'm gay. (most definately). and yeah i'm aware of adoption ( i doubt it's legal in israel for 2 guys ). but fuck it if it isn't the most complicated thing ever. and what about my genes? sigh. .............................................. that doesn't make me that sad. but what makes me furious. is the dream i had today. it had to do with a certain past occurance. and my thoughts today have been dealing with the fact that i should tell and i want to tell dor about it. that it might be therapeutic. and then i go to blame myself for making such a big deal about it. cause it'll be so dramatic and who needs it anyway. just a small thing in my past which i cannot forget but nothing TOO bad. so why the fuck did i start thinking about it these days? just because i have a new best friend doesn't mean i have to feel guilty for not telling him about it. sure it hurts. but no need to over-exagerrate it. anyway i was thinking and dreaming about this. i put the link but i'm not gonna go back to that entry. you (as if you exist) can read it. if i remember correctly it's very badly written. HAHAHA as if that is what matters. shit i'm letting myself get out of this with dark cynicism. .................................................. request : don't comment if it's not wisely. .................................................. and i'm leaving it at that. i'm storing my thoughts here and not in my mind. my mind can deal with other issues. |