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alrighty then
2002-02-04 1:21 a.m.

today dor took photoes of me and i'm gonna develop them and scan them and send one of them to internet gay guys instead of the not so good one i do now which usually ends conversations.

it makes me sick to the bone.

but in my head it's the rational thing to do. (yes yes how ironically the right thing to do to get happiness).

................

a friend of the guy which i met a month ago is also gay(bi?).

yesterday we went to a pub and he also came and we didn't talk. but he kept telling my friend shani which is his friend too how REALLY CUTE i am.

*blushes*

................

i don't feel like going all introspective on you and explain why i didn't go and talk to him.

on a shallow inspection i would say i should have.

.................

queerscribe is starting to make me feel cornered abit.

i mean good for him if he's happy. and i have no problem with such a life. but really, really, can life be only just about sex?

.................

i used to hate the beatles with all my heart. they used to represent my father. with tapping his fingers to the beatles on long car rides and being all nostalgic like the real nostalgic person he is.

it made me sick.

i didn't want to be like him. i don't want to be like him.

i used to rationalize it by saying : the music is too simple, i need something much more intelligent, and for proof look how many people like them. the common person doesn't have good taste in music, right?.

but now i can safely say fuck it. i mean abbey road. genius!

*look at me i've matured*

.....................

i hope i can create what i want with dor. *insert words of love*

.....................

one day i will look back at this time in my life and i will think "god what a confusing time. fucking shit some of it was oh so very nice but ain't i glad it's over".

....................

alrighty then

..............

by the way today in the mall there was a pinball machine and it made funky music. so me and nir danced right infront of it. we got jiggy with it infront of a pinball machine


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