joy and bitterness.
2002-07-07 10:08 p.m.

i had a dream. the most fabulous ever.

i had a boyfriend. and i can't start to describe the feelings i felt. we were together and we flirted like boys flirting. and it was the best feeling ever. and we touched each other and laughed and giggled and looked into each other's eyes. and at the end of the dream before i woke up i kissed him, and i remember vividly how it felt, those wet lips against my tongue.

i might have died with joy.

the fact that he was a black sport athelete is the more unrealistic part of the dream. it's also irrelevant. but just so you know.

i don't want to ever forget that feeling and i'm already losing touch with it and it's not fair.

and i have that feeling and that dream and i have wonderful kitchy kylie minogue playing in my head and i have boy-ashamed entries in my head and i have that undescribable feeling of falling in love stored just in case somewhere in my head and i'm such a romantic nutcase i might die out of joy.

or bitterness.