to work.
2003-04-03 5:27 p.m.

i found my bible. in freud. rationalism as a religion. i don't really feel like going into the revelations that i'm experiencing. let's sum it up as understanding things.

reading freud is testing. it invites self inspection that leads to mind wobbling conclusions which test if i'm strong enough to deal with reality. if i'm sane enough.

if i died in a car accident it wouldn't apply as a perversion or anything out of the ordinary, it would just be simple application of global statistics on my life.

anyway to our point i feel my ability of judgement being impaired right now, my rational is being meddled right now by fears. thus my fingers are a bit shaking and i don't feel like eating. i can hardly speak and not beacuse i'm in heaven. ( well i admit this is a bit an over dramatic description )

but the real thing is, better than beating anyone else, the feeling of utter satisfaction, better than beating your enemy in chess and proving that your are the better man, better than kicking the ass out of anyone, is beating yourself, winning over your fears, achieving sanity and being happy.

so to work.