the truth
2004-11-10 2:28 a.m.

maybe it's because

i was shy and uncomfortable with girls and that's why i convinced myself that i am gay whilst i'm not

or because

my attraction and need for a fellow human to satisfy me is based on an emotional factor and that's why i can't automatically feel like fucking around with all boys

or because

i actually subconsciously enjoy the feeling of loneliness and don't want it to stop, maybe even taking pleasure

or because

i physically want a very specific kind of man

or because

i intellectually want a very specific kind of man

or because

i'm a lone wolf, romance and sex are things which just don't fit in with my charachter. in theory yes, in reality no

or because

the size of my dick

or because

i'm afraid of things not going the way i want them to

or because

of bad luck. things will work out or they won't it's not up to me
.........................
and all in all

it all comes down to the fact that

i hardly give a shit anymore about the truth.

if i'm lying to myself in any way than i'm doing a swell job

and anyway i probably have a good reason for doing it so it would be unjust towards myself to find the truth.

fuck psychology and fuck it all. here i am and what you see is what you get, what you feel is what you are.

.