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saliva in my mouth
2004-12-26 12:34 a.m.


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........................
you don't excite me.

but i feel like being touched and i wouldn't mind to have an illusion of a relationship until the inevitable not so far away end arrives.

there's a very big abyss between what i send out of myself to what i hold back , isn't there. one second i'm in the car with him and smiling at him after we kiss, and truly and sincerely i smile. but with the smile comes the thought which i know i will delve into when i'm alone, the cynical rational thought, ruthless, selfish, a thought which has not one tiny little inch of respect for the honest thought that came before. no more shy and modest dan.

cause i'm not shy and i'm not modest and despite what i make people think, when it comes down to thoughts and feelings ( as opposed to actions ) i'm not one bit a good person.

but bubbles are bound to burst. i might have made a mistake. maybe i shouldn't have kissed him. 90 percent that soon i will hurt his feelings.

he seems like an ok man. but he bores me.
................................................

but when his hand was on my cheek.....


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