one of those nights
2005-10-15 11:07 a.m.

it was once of those nights which deserves remembering
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went out of the house here in teaneck and walked to the bus station.
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took the 178 bus to manhattan
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got the subway free from g.washington to the village since the woman didnt have change
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talked to some strange guy for a few minutes
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went to the gay center on 13th street
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there was 2 south american guys there, started talking to them.
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anthony, american puerto rican aged 37
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louis, american venezuelan aged 32
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walked around with them, had some good laughs. not sure if i wanted something maybe with louis. on the one side i was definately attracted to him, on the other - he was kinda of fat, 10 years older than me....... thought it might have been one of those false mirage attractions i have
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after walking 2 hours with them, we went to some gay bar.
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had a fairly nice time there, hung out there till 00:30 and then went to catch my last bus. i was pretty sure the 178 had night busses, so i decided to take my chances and go to the 178 located in g.washington bus station, located in harlem, instead of taking the safer bet of the 167
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talked to some girl on the subway about how eyebrows are the meaning of life. ( like yeah, so what can you say about me according to my eyebrows ?) twas funny.
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talked afterwards on the subway to some black woman about god, and the meaning of it all
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missed my stop to the bus station, wasnt focused, asked some woman how do i get there, and she said just walk, (she was a freak).
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so at 2 am i walked in harlem. ( only then did i understand it was harlem ) . i got that definate feeling of danger, of this is not good, people are looking at me, and this is not good, fuck this is not good and where do i go and there are street gangs and junkies here and im the only white guy, and shit where the fuck is that bus station
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i panicked
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i found the bus station it was closed (!!!)
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i panicked
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went to the subway, asked the guy there how to get to the bus station yadda yadda yadda after a few more efforts, some more walking around in harlem and panicking i got the picture. not only will i not be able to get the 178, i missed my 167 too. im fucked, and its 2 am and im in harlem. but i tried to look tough - i put my hood on and had tried to make a menacing look ( and no eye contact!! ).
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got the subway back to the village, decided i have no choice but to walk around in safe areas until 6 am.
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ate a disugsting hotdog.
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found the bar i was at before - louis was still there. i just sat and waited for him, i was happy to find someone.
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after a while we left, met anthony and some other guys, walked around and it was funny. louis said hed drive me home, after we get the train to his car in jersey.
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took the train to jersey, on the way to the car there was an elevator which was called "kiss&ride" so we kissed
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we got the car, tried to find out how to get to my house, turns out it is about 40 miles (60 kilometers) away, but he insisted on taking me, so there we went. after some kissing and a lot of getting lost we got to teaneck, parked somewhere and kissed ( too crowded ) and then parked somewhere else near my house ( hope the neighboours didnt see me ) , and made out, yadda yadda yadda i kind of came on his face ( he was really good ), i tried going down on him and jacking him off, didnt work that well so i ended up licking his balls ( yuch, but a man has to do things he doesnt like here and there... ) while he jacked off.
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he is emotional, nice, not too bright ( you are so smart ) , feminine and he makes me feel comfortable.
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i dont know where things will go from here. im not sure what it was ( one time thing? beginning of a relationship? ). i will call him today
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and i hope i dont have hiv. definately he is in the risk group, but what can i do? but i just went down on him...... ach it will be okay
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got home at 7 am, ofrah woke up, i told her i just came and she kinda of freaked..... it is a problem living here if i want that lifestyle. ( and i do ).
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thats all.