the sky is gray all the time here
2005-11-11 3:01 p.m.

i have lost my zest for life

it is not something rational it is something emotional, i wonder if and how i will get it back.

i need to get it back and soon.
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i realise now more than ever, how freud and my psychologist were right, how my sexual behaviour is just the most external window into who i am as an entity, it reflects almost everything that is me. that fact that i want to get penetrated by that guy, or fuck that girl or am arroused by that dog isnt (exclusively) some permanent gene thing, it is a result of so many fears, personality traits, perversions, and (true and false) images of myself, infinite amount of complexities which is the my (and the human) soul.

my unstable attraction through the years is only a result of my unstable self i am not mentally healthy but on the other hand who the fuck is.
...................................
the sky is gray