the truth
2005-12-06 3:50 a.m.

the truth :

lying on the grass

tel aviv before us, it is night not day

you get up, i tell you don't go away, and puke my heart out

dirty after jumping into the garbage can and trying remember the words of the beatles song
.......................................
trying to find a compromise that will let me lead a sane life, trying to see things as they are, no more lies. catchy phrases aren't art. beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and so is truth, even more so.

trying to navigate my feelings so i will be happy, so i wont be tired anymore. i read about budhaist meditations in india. i wonder how i will feel there, i wonder if things will make more sense there.

my life isn't complicated, i have all the options i could want, but my feelings make it complicated. i still want to puke i still feel like shit. but im happy ( a bit ) cause i know that the feeling will go away.

but i need to be strong, i need to be able to dive the whole swimming pool..... i want to say something important, i want to appreciate myself and be strong, and i am strong sometimes and i do appreciate myself. so? but unlike you my little bunnies i can't watch my life from the lines and say " oh it's easy, do what you want, be what you want " . i can't do what i want, be what i want, not because i have a good reason, but simply because i can't. you don't ask a crippled person why he can't run, right? but im not crippled..... a bit weak sometimes a bit strong sometimes.

it is true that the more i find out the more i feel like i lose my way..... it is cliche but it's how i feel. i do think though that im a nice interesting intelligent person.

ill go and read some more about quantum physics.