| <<<< |
new |
>>>> |
questions answers and maybe's so i'm thinking about the relations of stephanie ( who turns out to be a very nice impressive girl, stupid me with my misleading first impressions ) and her boyfriend. she loves him. and she's weak because of him. and she admits that he is a shit boyfriend, because he doesn't call when he says he'll call, and he doesn't take good care of their relationship. there's no doubt that she feels love for him. but deep down, i don't think she respects him as a human being. ( in my opinion rightfully he seems like a shit person ). but when you think of who's the bad guy in this relationship - is it necessarily him ? cause maybe he doesn't love her like she loves him, and maybe he doesn't take care of their relationship like he should, but he can (maybe) honestly claim respect for her as a human being. so who's the bad guy - the one who loves without honest respect or the one who respects without honest love? the one who's weak or the one's who's strong? do you know what i mean? and i let the planet and the universe and the electrons which are moving with the waves generated through quantum field which is god i let them all into and through my mind, my brain, my consciousness, my being. i hope this is only the beginning i have so much more to climb i hope i don't stumble. but on the other hand fear is paralyzing. ( and so is pain and jealousy and such ) . this are hard things for me to express, since i don't understand them completely, but i feel, i feel. and i'm happy that they are coming from inside - except the external calm i have no outside spiritual guidance, the only thing i'm doing is reading and thinking and talking al day. it is funny when you think how much i was consumed with death a few weeks ago, and how much i'm consumed with life now. i wonder if maybe my approach to pain was wrong, maybe i'm just not asking the right questions.... cause i'm feeling pain, and i think of where it's coming from so i can kill the cause, so my main question which i can think of is "WHY" and a thought went through my head today, that maybe the "WHY" is the problem. why not pain? why not embrace it? maybe it is about finding the balance between accepting pain and "loving" it, but being strong and not letting it consume you..... it's all about finding the balance of things this life, isn't it maybe |