pedophilia
2006-02-05 11:33 a.m.

one of the only nights when i slept well and didn't wake up with the uncomfortable feeling of having some sort of bad dream included me having sexual relations with a small child
i probably should have been freaked out when i woke up, i should have felt hey this is so wrong, i was anally penetrating this boy this is sick
but i didn't feel that way.
just plain didn't.
...............................
and he talks about controlling the mind
and i'm doing just the opposite
there isn't a place where i don't let it roam
if ever i had a leash around it, it had been torn up a long time ago
it goes where it wants
it hates people with no reason, and loves for even less
it thinks of sex with every possible age and gender
it thinks of violence towards babies
and in general of all kinds of shit.
so control isn't really one of the things i do with my mind
the thing is i thought that letting it roam free is the right thing to do, the healthiest and most intelligent open minded way to deal with it
but
i'm not sure anymore.
maybe yes
maybe not.
........................
like in davos, time gets stretched and condensed, and loses its meaning in this kind of trip
i'm starting to get the feeling of what i will find important and fun in this trip here in india
and i realise that as fascinating as it may be, it is still like everywhere else just a bed for the feelings and thoughts inside my head, and that's what they count
and there's no shame in taking the most joy during the day in reading a good book, even if you're in india, and being bored in some kitch not-even-old indian palace.