| <<<< |
new |
>>>> |
thoughts in india okay here is a transcript ( and translation ) of what i wrote in my notebook today " thoughts conclusions regarding my correspondence with my friend noam he blaims me ( or is disappointed of me ), for not showing the same amount as enthusiasm as him regarding our possible joint living since we both want to go to study in jerusalem, and for claiming that if i don't get accepted to what i want in jerusalem ( cognition sciences ) , then i probably won't study there ( eventhough he will) i in return claimed that my lack of enthusiasm is a result of : he replied that he didn't show lack of enthusiasm as i claimed, and that he is doing the best he can not to hurt me. regarding his disappoint in me for saying i won't go to jerusalem because of him, i said that i don't think he would have done the same for me, and the proof is that he wouldn't have even considered studying in beer-sheva with me if i went to study there, and that it wouldn't be healthy for me and for our friendship if i would build my life around him. i continued by trying to make my point stronger, that he wouldn't have built my life around me, i "reminisced" about the time when he prefered to change shabat in the army, from being with me to being with einat. he replied that in his opinion good friends take each other into consideration when making decisions like this, and that the reason that he wouldn't have considered studying in beer-sheva was because the quality of the studies isn't good there, and that my considerations of weather, and overall social situation aren't as strong as his considerations of quality of studies, and that he should have been more important to me..... what i want to tell him - that now i'm more enthusiastic. i have 3 options of why : then i thought about the differnce betwen the dog and the other miserables (?) that approach me in the street asking for money, and i got to a conclusion that differnce in very small, that the difference in thought and existence ("havaya" between them and the dogs is miniscule. they too are driven by the survival instinct more then anything else, their "human" mind has deteriorated ( or maybe it never grew to become one? ) to an animal frame of thought, if because of the circumstances they were born in, maybe because of lazyness or lack of ability/craving to get out of the circle of miserableness and begging then i thought about the biscuit i gave the dog, and maybe the ideal which i practice against beggers should also be practiced against him? wil satisfying his current urgent need of survival, will it just result in him making more poor miserable sick dogs like him? ( like the two small adorable still healthy-soon to be sick puppies who are sitting on the floor beside me). maybe death is a better option for this dog, and for that matter for the ones who resemble him? or maybe i should reverse my way of thinking, and the same "mercy" i feel towards the dog, by giving him a few biscuits, i should practice towards the dog like beggars? it sounds horrible, but i mean i don't want to be a bad person..... i didn't get to a conclusion seemingly it is obvious to me ( and probably almost everyone ) why this is true. but the fact that aristo ( aristotle actually ) felt he had to clarify this, meant tha it is not obvious ( at least in certain cultures that existed ). this is also probably the point of the author of the book...... then i thought about how deep the effect of my surroundings on my consciences is, and how many things in this world could have been different to me if i had lived at another place/time, if i lived in a place wher simple logics isn't relevant..... then i felt a kind of a breakthrough - maybe one of the reasons why this indian society is so non-sensible sometimes is because they weren't effected by 2000 years in which this western idea of logics prevailed. maybe ? maybe this a possible explanation of why so many times you get information is seemingly paradoxical ( regarding transportation timings, food, and even in their human behaviour towards me ( and each other? ). for example that time when i went to declare my camera missing ( sigh..) in the police station , and instead of helping me the police chief yelled at me that i'm a cheater and a liar, and wasn't willing to give me any form or even lend me a pen.... and after making me wait 2 hours, he was suddenly all nice....). so sometimes even the person is paradoxical, even in following sentences! so maybe with them the conception that things should be sensible just doesn't exist in the same kind of strength as in me, the need for logic and consistency just isn't important... maybe? then i went on with that train of thought, and wondered that if that's true, maybe something differnt and not neccesarily inferior drives them... maybe they are guided more by their right hemisphere then their left, and things like faith and belief are stronger then logic, and maybe that's not wrong or inferior? maybe yes and maybe no - i have no conclusions. in the end i wonder on the fact that every significant thing the human race achievd was (almost) always as a result of somene not taking something for granted. ( like newton and gravity, einstein that space and time is not curved, every invention, like the person who invented the wheel probably understood that you don't HAVE to use your hands to carry things quickly, and also in art, like the impressionists who didn't take for granted that art should try to portray reality as it looks to the eye...) so actually the real genius is just the act of going back to the rots, of learing from the beginnig without all the falsities that surround our thought, of being able to achieve the act of un-learning.... maybe! and does this remind me of some spiritual philosphy i read lately? it seems so..... i'm very satisfied with my mental state, and i feel i am truly getting wiser. i know that it's not really that modest, but hey, fuck it.... and regarding other things - i'm alone after a few days in pondicherry, tamil nadu, india, which included meeting milosh ruth and maya, drinking beers talking about sex and having fun. now i'm in tiruvanamalai waiting for the shiva festival tomarrow, and i'm alone and happy to be alone for a change! found a great lodge, ate good food, and i will go and read and hear some music now digusting isn't it? |