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get it over with so noam is not online and i don't have anyone to talk to, to unburden the heavy load which weighs on my troubles soul, oh dear prudence why hath you not bestowed on me better luck, has my fate been decided as a fate of suffereing and loneliness? woe is me! and oh what about you my guardian angel what about you you cunt you think you can just pop up one day and say you understand me completely and then disappear for 5 years? i mean whaddafuck? and from all the guys staring at me, that hot guy i let him go, only to be intruded in my akward horniness by the feminine indian who just kept on bothering me and asking me about oral and anal sex and all that shit right there in the middle of the street of katmandu, and not that i have anything against indians they are just great, but not feminine ones with hairy chest which lie about their age. so FUCK OFF! but i'm a pussy i'm a coward i'm a little piece of shit i deserve to get shitted upon by a herd of yaks, i deserve the death penalty for being a wuss, instead of just telling him to FUCK OFF!, i respond like some stupid little girl, the " i don't think i'm interested " deal, i mean fuck you dan, what the fuck, you really think that makes him feel better? nothing will make him feel better except someone's dick up his ass, and if it's not yours it will be someone elses.... so now i can't go back there cause i told him i'm going to my hotel, but fuck that other guy was hot i was attracted to that other guy and it is fucked up that in order not to offend some indian guy which i probably already offended, i will not get it up the ass tonight, like any other night! fuck that. so i tell to myself i'll go back tomarrow, which doesn't make any sense, cause i want to get it up the ass today, i'm tired of not getting it up the ass it really does get really tiresome after a while, believe it or not. so now he's online, but sure it's not interesting to hear other people whining about not getting any, it's actually pretty pathetic, but you my diary i admire you for hanging out through all the shit, through all the tough times you are there for me, like a rock, not going anywhere except when the server falls down, or when the password stops working for a year. so now i'm in katmandu, and in a few days i'm in india, and i will say bye bye happiness bye bye nepal after 2 month of sometiimes trekking sometimes rafting resamfiriri! some good food, some lonely times, some masturbation, some light drugs, some nice people, some less nice people, and i was tired happy and such dyou know what i mean? yes yes you know what i mean so i'm trying to enter into his mind and understand what he actually means, that guy, what's he's name, oh yeah, neitzche, but it's really hard when i have to all the time change in my mind the "thee" to "you" and all that shit, and anyway zaratushtra is a cool name for a character, but nearly as cool as ziggy marley, or moondust zappa. i much prefer philosopher who leisurely run their characters under trains just to show me how meaningless is life, and how i should just believe in god and have hetrosexual sex, and how cheating on your husband and leaving your little boy and succumbing to silly desires like those ones who send you to dirty ratna park will just lead to moral decadence and such dyou know what i mean? and you talk to me about control, did i talk to you diary about equanimity and all that shit? well like always dan you talk high but act low, and i couldn't imagine a state of mind farther from equanimity than i am in now. well i could, but hell that's not REALLY relevant now is it? buddha - you can SICK MY DUCK and such and such but really - i really should strive to somehow get rid of all these desires which are driving me crazy, and i really should go back to doing some yoga and mental excerisizes instead of staring at guys, and i really should go back to eating vegetables and no fried things, buddhism or no buddhism. so i'm meeting my father next week in india, and then i'll go to some ashram hopefully, and then i'll chill out hopefully, and then maybe i'll trek a bit again, and then i will maybe cycle a bit and get "OFF THE BEATEN (fucking) TRACK " , and then i will fly to israel, and wee hee hey suddenly everyone loves me and wants to make the dishes i like to eat most, and hey hey here i am driving around in haifa and smoking a joint in some park in ramat gan, and then i will find myself somewhere in europe playing backgammon with my cousin and then i will fly for a month to africa and then i will start studying and have fun with noam in the dorms and shit, and will try to make my brain function properly so it can understand how other brains function properly, and i will pass the time and try the best i can to supress all those cravings to go work in hawaii and cycle through china and lick asses which i can't lick, and then i will finish my BA studies and i will go work in the states in some shitty job and meet some cool people, and only then will i cycle through china and maybe i should just go back to the park now, even though i'm dead tired, cause i probably won't go back tomarrow, and just get this thing fucking over with |