food and water for the mind
2006-08-03 12:49 p.m.

so as a good jewish i'm fasting today in memory of the destruction of that building.

but no i'm not fasting for that.

i'm fasting for my inner strength... i mean all the religions try to wean you off all the worldly pleasures of life, to make you not dependent on food, sex, money etc. etc. etc., so you can concentrate more wholly on your spritual belief, rather than on reacting like an animal to the world outside.

but if you don't have a religion, does it mean that you shouldn't try to wean yourself off nonetheless?

and what is my belief anyway? i used to be an atheist, and then probably and agnostic, but not i can't even say i'm agnostic, since i definitely have some sort of undefinable belief system, which is undefinable since it is in my heart, but it cannot really for the time being be transformed to the mind. so when nir asked me if i belived in god, i didn't want to answer not becaue i didn't want to answer, but because i didn't know the answer.

so no water already for 15 hours, and the weakness is in my body, but not in my mind, and i will dedicate the strength i find in myself, towards my own happiness, and if i'm able to, for the happiness of others.

and eventhough i'm scared shit of it, i will go and volunteer with those disabled children in a week, and i will be strong, and i will try to have fun while i'm at it.

so i forgive, i forgive, and i too am part of the collective sin of forgetting my birthday, since all is one. next birthday i will just tell everyone i have a birthday one day before - it's really ridiculous i got offended thinking about how much i really never got offended by it before, and even despised people who got offended. silly silly me.

well dostoyevsky i will be happier if you talked more about love and less about god. i'm getting a bit bored.

tonight's dinner will be fucking good.