just a dream.
2009-04-21 10:17 a.m.

so once when talking about my father, i mentioned my father was chubby when i was a kid, a prey bengal could not miss, with an A-HA, now we understand why you like chubbies. and i'm like fuck off, he
really was chubby, what can i do, common, i honestly don't feel like there's something there
.
so in my dream

i'm walking along with bengal, in some abandoned city at night

and he asks me, why do you like chubbies?

i don't know man

but why do you like chubbies?

and i say i don't know man

and he says, but why do you like chubbies, in the annoying common there's no escaping it, it's time to cough up the real subconscious shit, which he does

and i get annoyed, and after saying again 'i don't fucking know', i scream as hard as i can

BECAUSE THAT GUY WHO MOLESTED ME WAS CHUBBY

and i half-scream in real life too, and i wake up and see yulia on my chest, and all is okay, it's just a dream, it's just a dream.

and i had to say something to bengal in the dream that sounded subconscious enough to shut him up, right? so i blurted something out.

and i don't even remember if he really was chubby. fuck off, fuck off, fuck the fucking fuck away.