No excuses
2010-11-25 9:40 a.m.

I remember all those meditation talks where they were saying how the human nature wants more and more and more, and you should let go, not be a slave to your endless desires which cannot by definition be ever satisfied.

But I could not have that - I had no love, i didn't have what i wanted more than anything in the world, a boyfriend, and not a single reasonable argument seemed to penetrate the feeling that this desire is one which i must enslave to, and thus feel the eternal pain of not finding one year after year. Yet another lecture from some friend who is telling me i should snap out of depression, when he doesn't begin to understand what it feels like to go to date after date after date and never pass the 3'rd one with anyone at age 25 - and, well, you know.

But now - I have a boyfriend which i honestly love and want to be with, probabliy for ever, and not only that - everything besides that borders on perfect. But still i find myself running frantically in emotional circles around nothings, despite being overall pretty happy. So okay now i can be more easily convinced of human nature, and also now may be the time to overcome it? No excuses anymore, that's for sure. And pretty happy is nothing like really happy.