Im still here
2013-10-20 7:15 p.m.

Between the fatigue and the nightmares

There is a moment where you zoom out of yourself as the bass line grows loud in your ears

and then the sadness is so raw it turns into happiness

and then the confusion is OK
.......................................
I'm not sure where all this is going. I used to be so excited and afraid and happy and sad and hopeful. The future was a sidestreet in Manhattan at 2 a.m. where anything would happen. Now its like meh. Need to get my mojo again, but i'm tired. Freakin 30, and still whining. And the thing that is most scary is that that's all there is, and real change is not sustainable, and then just death? I mean, I mean, all that emotional nonsense, wasn't there a time when you promised me solutions? There was, but dark clouds keep hiding those, and he keeps kissing me head in the basement, and corpses and shit, and being really alone, and shit. But hey that's just the song, that's not me, I'm more of a cold wave in them middle of the ocean than the hell down below. It's not always like this I am obligated to say, It's much better sometimes, It's much more sunny sometimes, The sand shining back sunshine into my soul, it's not always like this. But right now there is a void.