i found my place in the puzzle
2001-11-30 4:33 p.m.

dream.

i was on a school field trip and we were on a bus and were taking a pee break. everyone peed and since i usually have problems peeing in public places i walked 2 minutes to some place more solitary.

it was behind a building. it was a grassy hill. it was covered by a big tenty like leather, thus creating the effect of half-darkness.

i started to pee, and while doing it i saw that the school bus had forgot about me and was in the process driving away. i ran after it and made eye contact with few members of my (former) class, but they just waved bye bye.

so i went wandering in the dark hilly place. and there was this artificial lake, and this strange nice family having a picnic and swimming inside it.

and i kept on going uphill, and then i saw a secluded couple. after close inspection it was evident that these were two women.

i kept on strolling and then saw erin. it was her. she was wearing all red and she had black hair and black eyeliner and was acting weird. then she stood up and lectured about how wonderful the movie "amelie" is. (even though that the one which wrote that it was a great movie was super-fly and not erin, but apparently my mind can't tell one from the other in the middle of deep sleep). this lead me to the conclusion that the movie was about to be screened any minute now to the dark-hill occupants.

next to erin was this strange ugly girl playing the guitar and another quiet girl right next to her.

and then i realised what a freaky place this is and how everyone (only bout 10 people) inside it are freaky. and strange. and eccentric. like me. and i spoke outloud " "this is the place for me. this is where i belong"

fields and fields of relief swept over me. fields and fields of joy. my piece of the puzzle has finally found it's right spot

and then i sat down next to the lesbian couple. they were both beautiful. at first they were surprised that i sat down besides them but then they just smiled. i smiled back. and then i hugged them. both of them. and they hugged me. the most un-fake sincere hug ever.

then i put my head on one of the girls lap, and looked into her eyes. and she started patting my head. the stranger which i didn't even say a word to. and i started crying and sobbing and she just caressed me.

fields and fields of relief swept over me. fields and fields of joy. my piece of the puzzle has finally found it's right spot

after a while i realized that the bus is probably already looking for me, and that i can't stay in this enchanted place forever, not even until the screening of amelie. i asked my lesbian saint "i should leave now, right?". "yes".

and i got up and went up the grassy hill to erin and held her hand for a second and her fingers were small but ever so warm. warm of temperature but also warm of other things.

and the other ugly girl started playing strange chords on the guitar. and she asked erin if she could play and she said not really. and i took the guitar and played a few chords with little skill.

and then i said my farewells to the strange picnic family.

and unwillingly left. (and the dream continued not very interestingly.........)

.......................................

i don't think there's any way for me to describe and make the feelings which i felt in this dream understandable.