yeah, well.............
2002-01-16 11:48 p.m.

do you think it's fucking easy?

the fact that i'm neverendlessly optimistic.

the fact that i know who i am and how strong i am.

the fact that i know for a fact that i can beat myself. and everything.

those facts don't mean this is easy. even today.

IT DOESN'T FUCKING MAKE IT EASIER. THE FACT THAT I SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, DOESN'T FREAKIN MEAN THAT I'M NOT RIGHT NOW LAYING IN THE MUDDY CAVE, IN THE FUCKING DARK, WITH 2,000 TONS ON MY BACK. THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL DOESN'T MAKE THE TUNNEL MORE BRIGHT.

and the fact that i know that by crawling i'll reach the end doesn't mean that i'm an easy guy to deal with. (as you can probably see by now)

..................................................

dor, you know i'd do anything to help. you know cause i told you so.

good luck to the both of us. i wish i could make you as optimistic i am about life, i wish i could change your life view. i wish i didn't have to see the tears in your eyes and your efforts to hold them back. i wish i could help more.

i wish. alot of stuff right now.

wishing is as good as masturbating. it can be fun sometimes. (yeah, well....................)