sent
2008-10-30 3:21 p.m.

Me again.
One of the main themes of our final interactions, was you half ( or quarter ) apologizing, saying that you know how you've hurt me, but frankly, you've been acting in an insulting way to everyone. Well, I'm actually not looking for apologies, but i would like to ask you to examine the next two options, and reply as much as possible according to the truth.

1. You will most probably never contact me, which was probably a true fact even when we first parted, and also when you said in the last email that "maybe you will come back to me one day with an answer suitable for someone like me".
This could result from
- you not appreciating me enough
- not being attracted to me enough
- not feeling, even back then ,anything towards me.
- having no hope yourself regarding your psychological future,
and as a result not being able to conjure up any thoughts about healthy or even non-healthy relationships with people, other than, yourself.

I realize that honesty is a difficult thing to exercise when having to reject someone, god only knows how many times I've lied or exaggerated the truth when saying no to guys, so as not to hurt them, or simply to not put myself in an awkward situation. That being said, just so you know, the fourth possibility listed above is ( for some reason ) the hardest for me to cope with, so fear not to state that it's one of the other ones above it ( as long as it's the truth, don't try to be a wise guy ). If you truly have good intentions regarding me, be as honest as possible, as i think that's what i need.
Small clarification - It's honesty, not cruelty I'm looking for, so despite being a bit of a sticky situation, if possible...

2. I just finished a short while ago a 2-month cute, warm, and meaningless relationship, and have a few atraf guys on aim for the next. It's a tight schedule, but i could fit you in, had you wanted to give it another chance. As i told you before, i didn't get the feeling from you that you understood me ( probably because you weren't interested to), and i think you might be surprised of the extent i might have been able to understand and share with you what you're going through, had you had any inclination to share it ( though of course you already stated before that you didn't ).

Then again, frequently i feel like I'm not sure who i am, and quite definitely my idea of you is completely false, so i might be wrong, I might have not even liked you had we had some more dates. So don't hold me up to my word. But day dreaming and philosophizing can get you only so far, some things have to be experimented with in order to find out the truth, right?

That's it.
I know that I'm violating yet again my initial wish to break contact with you, but then again I'm weak like that, and strong like that. Weak because i find it hard->impossible to fight my own passions, strong because I'm able to overcome the pseudo-humiliation of contacting you again and breaching my promises, without having my ego get too much in the way.

I actually had lots of more thoughts I felt like sharing, specifically a dream I had about you tonight, but it seems definitely out of place.

Dan.
..........
sent