what bengal says # 2, and what i say, and what i don't say.
2009-01-29 11:03 a.m.

and he says

that my notion that for everyone, the main and only thing that decides their happiness, is their romantic life - is false. That yeah, it is important, but not the one and only criterion that overshadows everything else. That my notion that whilst being alone, i can't fully experience happiness, that it is a foremost and necessary condition for satisfaction from life, that it is like food, drink, and sleep - is false. That letting myself really enjoy life, even whilst being alone, does not mean that i'm giving up on finding love, it just means that i'm enjoying life, even while being alone, and that's all. That how the domination of the search for love over my mental and emotional life, is not the normal way to go about it, and definitely not that healthy way. And anyway, i should not be so obsessed with the future, that my fear of staying alone is deadlocking the moment, which is now.

I try to defend my depression though, don't think that i take that sort of shit without putting up a fight.
.
and while i swim yesterday, and enjoy the feeling of the water splashing against my strokes, i get a glimpse of how it would feel like to feel differently about life, and for a second i realize how shallow all the shit that has been going on in my mind, especially the stuff that eventually gets expressed here, might look to me if i change. Not that it's something i didn't know before.

but anyway, it was just a glimpse, don't think that i take that sort of shit without putting up a fight, my depression is too precious to me, and maybe even for justifiable reasons.