transition man!
2002-01-01 6:04 p.m.

no one can take this sanctuary away from me. no one at all.

i don't need to write anything i don't want to write here. i can mold this however i want.

just so you know diary, i like that. and i like you.

..................................................

i look back at 2001.

i try very very very very hard to remember what happened. and i can barely remember. i can remember though what happened since i started this diary. i remember in the sense of i-know-what-happened, and not in the sense of really remembering.

and before this diary started?

i think it was called highschool wasn't it?

or maybe the great big void which is nothing which is me back then?

and yet all which has happened it good. not good in the sense of it was fun cause kill me if most of it was. but more of in the sense of good that it happened. cause it allows me to be the person which i am today which is yet to be told by the future self that yes, you were also only a transition-phase guy too.

i am still a transition-phase guy. (not that labels matter)

realising that gives me the privelage of pushing the shades just a bit and looking out the window and into the dark dark future. cause kill me if the future is today.

who knows eh?

"by now, i know he'll come when i'll stop waiting".

the more i think about that sentence the more i realise how genius. it. is. and let you think about it.

i'm trying the best i can not to be waiting. it's not that easy though. but hey i can sense his footsteps already which just go to show that my waiting is coming to and end. today tommarow in 71 years. who knows eh?

1 thumb up me.

and if i tell you that i'm not bothered this days by thoughts of rejection and being too thin and about some (insignificant-soon-to-be-demolished) zits wanting a bigger tool. then i'd be telling the truth. painful, eh? (to hear someone so front)

not really.

but then again i'm a sexy motherfucker.

not as much as brad pit. but hell.

and most important of all.

MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL. is too keep things under proportions. meaning : remeber what's really important and what's important but less. rememeber to cherish and enjoy. and know thyself.

and remember who you are and try to become who you want to be.

meaning me go today to graveyard and lye there and write in my notebook and draw and feel the sun on my face and feel my head lying on the grave of some 8 year olds decomposing body.

and then leaving that grave in gratitude a small cactus plant. may the boy's soul rest in peace.

i know who i am.