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bla bla bla bla stuff. ................................ life is making me clench my fist. ................................. and then sigh. and by sighing i just for a few seconds say to myself : " i can't do this anymore let's make it all go away let's give up and sigh " . and it does for a few seconds but then it comes back with a boom, like a nail that is driven into my mind at 5 milisecond frequencies. the nail is a metaphor for my thoughts if you haven't figured that out. ............................................. i talked to ofer the other day. and he said he thinks alot. and i said that in my opinion i think more. and then he said that he thinks more. and i said: "wait, what do you mean by thinking ? ". and he said "the process of talking to yourself in your mind and discussing internal issues". and i said " but i do that ALL the time. i simply don't know any other way". and he said : "don't you ever just NOT think ". i said : "no.". it seems to me funny that it be any other way. is there another way? is there really? really?! ................................................ why why why why why if i love you so much if i want to be with you so much. why why why why why if you like me too, and if you want to be with me too. why why why why must i have nothing interesting to say? why is it not fun sometimes? why can't it ALWAYS be fun? human nature makes me clench my fists. (or is it only me? is it is it is it is it it is isn't it?) ............................................... all the good men are either married or straight. ha i just said that cause it's funny. har har har. (did you get the irony?) ................................................. i have a problem. i feel all the time as if everybody HAS to like me. eventhough i don't like everybody. but i think to myself hey i have only good intentions and maybe i'm fucked up and maybe i'm not always fun but love me love me love me love me love me. i'm a good person. really. i never mean to do anybody any harm. i just want you to enjoy my company and for me to enjoy yours. the fact is i don't have necessarily any better intentions than the most of us. no illusions. .................................................. did i ever say that life was bad? i'm not suffering these days. well sometimes i am. and sometimes i'm not. and sometimes i even enjoy. still i have complaints only to myself. (and to everyother freakin son of a gun that dared not to fall in love with me or to not make it easier on me. oh yeah. i have also alot of complaints to life. but that doesn't count. bla bla bla bla bla bla). ............................................... the bla bla bla part was probably the better part of this entry or maybe the last sentence was? (no wonder people don't read this!) ............................ oh yeah did i mention that i'm flying to nyc and london. (new york possible, london surely). yay for me. |