like sheep led to the slaughterhouse.
2002-05-04 2:49 a.m.

yesterday i looked in the mirror at my face and i swear i saw a sexy motherfucker. i swear i looked better than ever.

now my ears grew by half a meter at least.

but that's not the point.

the point is i can't stand the fact i don't act the way i want to act and i can't stand the fact i don't get what i want to get and what i want to get is him. i just saw dor and shani and that shimon guy. nothing special really. no drama's. just nothing. a gay guy who has no romantic interest in me.

and that's what my heart wishes for - to feel like this. it yearns for love and when it doesn't get it goes to the next best thing and orders my brain to hate myself and want to die.

and i fall in the big scam just like sheep led to the slaughterhouse. the attempts of resistence by my brain against my ever plotting heart are pathetic.

did you know that in the early years of israel the country used to blame the jews who were murdered in the holocaust for being led like "sheep to the slaughterhouse"? the dead jews were blamed for not fighting back, for not knowing better than to go into the gas chambers and getting their bodies burned afterwards. that by doing nothing they were a shame to the jewish nation.

nobody thinks that anymore. but many people that once.