salad of thougts
2001-05-26 4:19 a.m.

my head is a salad. my thoughts are going everywhere in every possible direction.

i dont like this very much. and thats why i'll tackle each subject on its own, disembody it, and then move to the other subject, no matter how long this entry is going to be.

1) god has a very very strange and cynical sense of humor!!!!!!. he is so weird its unbelievable. and this is coming from the weirdest guy ever, so just imagine. and i dont even believe in god.

examples :

- after getting to my insane state of mind yesterday (see entry), i was all ready to see my weekly twin peaks episode on tv. all i wanted is my usual dose of the strange masterpiece so i could go to sleep with a scared smile on my face. BUT god had it planned otherwise. somekind of builiding collapsed during a wedding in jerusalem, 30 people killed and hunderends injured. so no twin peaks on tv, just horror pictures. now could you possibly be any more annoying???????? and im supposed to feel sad for all the people who got injured. just help me cope with my life first!!!!!!

- today i was feeling really good about my new and improved temporary self, really not giving a fuck about anything.

then out of the blue, totally unexpected, calls natalie, a girl i once knew who i haven't talked with for about 6 months.

now ive changed so much in this period.

so How the fuck am i supposed to talk to her. she knows my old self, and he's gone for good. (good riddens..) . the converstation was ok, but god from all the people, she had to call!!!!!!! and she really is kinda of a nice gal.

2) i went to a soccer game today featuring my favorite football team, "ha poel beer sheva". they won and managed to get the championship of the second league and thus get to the first. ummm yeepee.

thats all i have to say about it.

3) i think i disappointed dor really badly.SHIT. from our talks on the icq he thought i was someone, and when he slept over at my place i acted like someone totally different. not the guy who he really liked from the internet. Shira told ehud a few days ago he is really obssessed with me. I wish i didnt ruin that. i like being obssessed by someone.

and that without mentioning i was once intrested in him, and i dont fucking know anymore. and maybe its all in my head like everything. i dont even know what im referring to when im saying that....

4) so right now ehud told me and my friends that him and shira are officaly a couple. I DONT FUCKING KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT. i mean i was intersted in her too at some time. I knew it wasnt very practical, but you always have the dream in your head which you dont want to be shattered. and even if ehud was a couple with someone else i would be jealous like hell. so sure ill be jealous now. but i am happy for him since reasonably i had no chance with her. ( right? ).

I SAID IM HAPPY!!!!!!!! DIDNT I ??? STOP WITH THOSE DISBELIEVING EYES!!!!!

so my 2 semi-romantic desires arent relevant anymore. YEEPEE. now i dont even have somebody to fantasize about. that's just great. FAB!!!!!!.

but i dont really care im used to being loveless. fine.

so even after this long entry nothing seems to be really clear.

quote of the day "BIG BLACK MONSOON, TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!! "